The Falcon’s Brother (1942)

2012 #71
Stanley Logan | 60 mins | TV | 4:3 | USA / English | PG*

The Falcon's BrotherThe Falcon may’ve done it in the third entry in RKO’s Saint-a-like film series, but now it was time for Tom Conway to take over — as the series’ star, that is.

Leaving my contrived and slightly embarrassing introductions aside, Conway gets a pretty good introduction to what will soon be his franchise. Though we begin with George Sanders still the lead, learning that his brother has been murdered on a ship arriving in New York — only to find out the body isn’t his brother after all — there’s a speedy and smooth transition to Conway being in charge.

Quite why they felt the need to execute such a neat transition, when previously films of this calibre had been happy to just re-cast (see: the Saint), I don’t know, but it works in its favour. Behind the scenes, Sanders had grown tired of B-movie leads, but presumably the series was successful enough at this point that RKO didn’t want to abandon it — especially as they were in the process of losing the Saint. In a piece of too-perfect casting, Conway is his real-life brother. On-screen and in-story, the passing of the baton is so smoothly done you barely even notice it happening, and it gives Conway an unencumbered chance to establish himself… though he’s basically the same character. Whether he’ll have the same gurning lack of success with the dames remains to be seen, however.

Brotherly loveAside from housekeeping, the film offers one of the series’ better plots, a proper detective mystery that doesn’t lead where you’d expect it to for once. That said, I didn’t like the ending so much, especially the way it abruptly dispatches our former hero followed by the gang carrying on with barely a care. The Mysterious Threatening Voice On The Phone is interesting though — will we be seeing a recurring enemy; a Moriarty or Blofeld for the new Falcon? Time shall tell…

Apart from the dual leads, Don Barclay’s Lefty is basically a re-cast Goldy — he even has the same police-bating catchphrase. Why Allen Jenkins left/was got rid of, I don’t know, but that’s the kind of thing that happens in movies of this scale I suppose. A quick flick through IMDb reveals the Goldy will return later, but Jenkins won’t, which is a minor shame. Broadly similarly, making Jane Randolph’s female lead, Marcia Brooks, a journalist also smacks of why-isn’t-it-just-the-one-from-the-last-film-ness. She’ll be back in the next film and then gone again, perhaps continuing the almost-tradition the films are establishing for a girl relay? (I should really stop theorising mid-flow; but then, we are wont to see connections where there are none.)

The bumbling cops are also present and correct, not that I care for them. Their “because I’m the boss” shtick is one of the elements that makes the Falcon films feel more formulaic than the Saint ones, The Shadow?in spite of all the other factors (changing sources of adaptation; changing leads) that should make them feel wildly varied. And the Falcon’s butler, Jerry, is Asian again, after being caucasian in the last two films. Played this time by Keye Luke, rather than being some nasty stereotype he has a nice bit using stereotypes to the characters’ advantage. It’s one of the series’ better comic inventions.

Re-casting your lead can be a major stumbling block for a series, or lead it to even greater success. Normally it’s done abruptly, but the Falcon takes a more transitionary route… and, perhaps surprisingly, it pays off with a mostly fun adventure. And with Conway now in charge, perhaps the series can shake off the lingering Saint on its shoulder.

3 out of 5

* As with the vast majority of the Falcon series, The Falcon’s Brother hasn’t been passed by the BBFC since its original release. Nonetheless, it’s available on DVD, rated PG. ^

The Hunger Games (2012)

aka The Hunger Games: The Unseen Version

2012 #75
Gary Ross | 143 mins | Blu-ray | 2.40:1 | USA / English | 15 / PG-13

The Hunger GamesSeen by some as a Battle Royale rip-off and by others as no more than the new Twilight, The Hunger Games is different enough from its Japanese forebear and immeasurably better than that detestable cross-media abstinence-fest. Buoyed by edgy direction (much criticised but actually very solid), a well-realised science-fiction/fantasy world, and an engaging lead character (portrayed by a multi-Oscar-nominated star, no less), it transcends its young adult roots and rip-off reputation to become an engrossing action/adventure with political undertones. It seems the latter will be brought out more in three forthcoming sequels, which may make for an even richer parable.

4 out of 5

The Hunger Games merited an honourable mention on my list of The Best Films I Saw For the First Time in 2012, which can be read in full here.

In the interests of completing my backlog of 2012 reviews, I decided to post some ‘drabble reviews’ of a few films. In the future I may update with something longer, but if I don’t, at least there’s something here for posterity.

For those unfamiliar with the concept, a drabble is a complete piece of writing exactly 100 words long.

Yes, “science-fiction/fantasy” is one word.

Rules of Engagement (2000)

2012 #32
William Friedkin | 122 mins | TV | 2.35:1 | Canada, Germany, UK & USA / English | 15 / R

Rules of EngagementSamuel L. Jackson and Tommy Lee Jones star in this military courtroom thriller from the director of The French Connection and The Exorcist. Jackson is the commanding officer who may have done Something Wrong during a mission; Jones is the old friend he asks to defend him by finding out The Truth.

Let’s jump straight to the heart of the matter, and arguably the film’s primary flaw, with a bit of trivia from IMDb. (Should you wish to avoid spoilers, skip the quote and the first paragraph after.)

The scene of Sokal viewing and destroying the tape after he sees it proves gunfire was coming from the crowd, was imposed by test audiences according to William Friedkin. The film was supposed to leave ambiguous whether or not [Jackson] did the right thing, depicting what happened through subjective viewpoints and never revealing the objective truth of what occurred.

Which just goes to show why test audiences are a bad idea. Friedkin’s original idea would’ve made a stronger movie, and this explains some of the choices and attempts at ambiguity displayed elsewhere. I thought the flashback Jackson has played more like an imagined version than What He Really Saw, but knowing he was right (from having seen the tape) makes it seem like he’s merely remembering.

That said, most of the time it feels less like the film is aiming for ambiguity and more like it doesn’t know how to guide us well enough in what to feel. Important points aren’t appropriately established, others aren’t appropriately dealt with, and Mark Isham’s score toddles on regardless while important moments slip by, such as the declaration of the final verdict: when it’s announced, the music continues on the “tension” setting for a while before petering out. I know some people hate heavy-handed music in films, but this isn’t that, it’s just misguided.

Overused lighting, underused GuyThat’s not all that’s bungled. There’s numerous instances of awkward editing by Augie Hess; a screenplay from Stephen Gaghan that clearly wants to be A Few Good Men (right down to several attempts at conjuring a “you can’t handle the truth” moment) but doesn’t exhibit Aaron Sorkin’s skill; relatedly, Guy Pearce’s prosecutor is disappointing underused (his character just needs more time, especially on his “I’ll only try with good evidence” facet); and the climactic court scenes, Friedkin and DoPs William A. Fraker and Nicola Pecorini go overboard with Dutch angles and chiaroscuro lighting.

There are good ideas in Rules of Engagement, but none of them are given enough weight. Couple that with several weak technical elements and it comes out a disappointment.

2 out of 5

Skyfall (2012)

2012 #86
Sam Mendes | 143 mins | cinema | 2.35:1 | UK & USA / English | 12A / PG-13

SkyfallOh Skyfall, how the world loves thee, let me count the ways!

It’s the highest-grossing film in British cinema history, passing a raft of long-running hits (Titanic, Mamma Mia) and 3D-boosted mega-blockbusters (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, Toy Story 3) in the process. Previous title-holder Avatar had the double whammy of 3D curiosity and a long cinema run, but it still took a total of 11 months to reach a final tally of £94m. Skyfall passed that in 40 days… and then kept going. As of December 16th, it had reached about £98m in its home market.

In the US, it has to date taken nearly $280m, leaving the previous most-successful Bond far in its wake: that was Quantum of Solace, which ‘only’ grossed $168m. Worldwide, it is approaching $1bn, which would make it one of only 14 films to pass that marker. That, again, puts it well ahead of the franchise’s previous best, which was Casino Royale’s $599m. It hasn’t even opened in China yet, which analysts predict is what will push it over the $1bn mark.

Finally, it’s passed Spider-Man 3 to become Sony Pictures’ highest grossing movie of all time worldwide, and overcome The Amazing Spider-Man to be their highest grosser in the US alone. Even with The Hobbit Part 1 recently commencing its box office campaign, Skyfall should wind up in the US top five for the year (depending how you count these things, possibly top four) and the worldwide top three. Bond films always do well, especially in the non-US marketplace, but by any yardstick this is a mega-hit beyond Bond’s usual proportions.

The man, the myth, the carSo, in short, people love it. But people don’t matter — I matter (well, I do to me), and what did I think?

Yeah, I bloody loved it too.

I had been intending to write a sort-of commentary on Skyfall, talking through my opinion of the film on a… if not scene-by-scene, then segment-by-segment basis. But then I thought time had grown and I was a bit too distant to write such a thing now. And then I sat down and it happened anyway. So what follows is a 4,400 word (yes, really) natter through the film in broadly chronological order, but taking asides to discuss particular elements in their entirety whenever I get to them.

It contains whopping great spoilers about almost everything, just in case you hadn’t guessed. (My much shorter spoiler-free review is here.)

Have fun.

The film begins (as you’re no doubt aware, because who hasn’t seen it?) without the famous gun barrel. An unforgivable move in the 50th anniversary year/film, surely? I felt so at first, but the opening shot Mendes has chosen — Bond appearing at the end of a corridor and walking into focus — is a good one, and would clash with the famous beginning. Besides, as we’ll see later, they have managed to do something good with it…

On your bikeThe pre-titles sequence is an exciting chase through — and over — Istanbul. As well as being a thrilling action sequence in its own right, here Mendes really establishes where he’s going with the film. There’s no close-up fast-cut Bourne-inspired shooting and editing here, instantly distancing Skyfall from the unpopular style adopted by Marc Forster for Bond’s previous outing, Quantum of Solace. It also firmly continues the Bond tradition of doing stunts ‘for real’, including some quite spectacular stuff with a digger and a train. I’m sure CGI has come sufficiently far since Die Another Day to make it a more useful tool now (indeed, DAD’s plasticky effects looked dated on release in 2002, never mind a decade later), but there’s something pleasing about knowing producers went to those locations and some person actually did a version of the things we’re seeing, even if it involved wires or stunt doubles or what have you.

The man Bond is chasing here is Ola Rapace, a capable actor who some Brits might know from the Swedish Wallander series (see in particular this review). He turns up again later, but I’m not sure he has a single significant line of dialogue. It’s not a fault of the film, but an unusual quirk of casting that a decent actor is playing little more than a heavy.

The pre-titles ends with M, back in London but communicating via Modern Technology, telling Bond’s co-agent Eve (Naomie Harris) to “take the bloody shot”, which she fluffs and hits Bond. The target and his MacGuffin get away; Bond falls from a viaduct to his death. SkyfoalCue Daniel Kleinman’s title sequence. And hurrah for the return of Kleinman, because the effort Forster’s favourite effects company MK12 offered on Quantum of Solace was a little bit pathetic. Kleinman is the master of the Bond title sequence now, and while he clearly owes a debt to the work of Maurice Binder (he more or less invented the form, after all), modern technology and the responsibility now heaped on this part of the film by audience expectation means he is, arguably, the best creator of Bond title sequences ever. Skyfall is another tour de force, loaded with inventive imagery that is even more rewarding when viewed a second time, knowing the full story. How often can you say that about Binder’s naked girls on trampolines?

After the titles, we learn that M is in trouble: the MacGuffin Bond was after is a list of all Western undercover agents — not something you want to lose. Her superior, Mallory (Ralph Fiennes), informs her she’s on the way out. Mirroring her famous dressing down of Bond in GoldenEye, M is now the dinosaur. Since her first appearance in 1995, the Bond films have slowly come to realise that in Judi Dench they have a stunning actress, and the size of her role has gradually increased. The World is Not Enough was the first to make a big deal of increased involvement, but it’s the Craig era that’s really given Dench a role to sink her teeth into. This is a harder (she swears!), more battle-worn M than the Brosnan-era version of the character. The double act (for want of a better word) between her and Bond is a key part of the Craig films to date, and Skyfall is very much the climax of that story. Bloody bulldogShe is the co-lead, the film’s real Bond girl, and she is marvellous throughout — doing what is necessary as the boss of MI6, facing up to a hostile parliamentary inquiry, and showing both vulnerability and resourcefulness in the Scotland-set climax, the film is a showcase for Dench. That she is gone is a huge loss to the franchise; that she went with such a meaty role is a credit to the film and the series.

Bond, meanwhile, is on a beach somewhere with a beautiful girl and drinking his nights away. Until, that is, he sees on the news a terrorist attack on MI6 HQ. Time to go home. This is a Bond motivated by duty. He loves women and drink, certainly, but when England is threatened he can’t resist — even when he’s not asked for. Indeed, quite the opposite, because when he’s back no one really wants him. He’s injured, out of shape; old and past it. Quite the shift from Casino Royale and Quantum, where we witness the birth of Bond. Here he’s experienced, possibly at the end of his career. It’s a bold move to make such a jump, especially when you’ve got a leading man who’s set for at least two more films. It helps make for a neat trilogy, though. There are no obvious plot threads linking this to Craig’s previous two outings (notoriously, the second of which is the first direct sequel in the Bond canon), but thematically and in his relationship with M Skyfall is entirely interpretable as the third act in a trilogy, one which examines, deconstructs and rebuilds the character of James Bond.

Daniel Craig performing a taskDaniel Craig is more than up to this task. Much like Dench, the series has landed on its feet by casting an actor altogether better than you’d typically find in such blockbuster fare. The arc for Bond is perhaps more understated than M’s, even if, as the lead character, it’s even more central; but Craig can convey what’s necessary with a wince or a change in movement. And though Bond is physically debilitated, his mind is there, playing detective as he follows a trail to the villain’s lair, and plotting how best to defeat the always-one-step-ahead nemesis. More on whom later.

With the unknown possessor of the list releasing names of agents online — and them suffering as you’d expect as a result — M passes Bond for duty and sends him to Shanghai on the trail of Rapace’s character. The standout element here is undoubtedly Roger Deakins’ cinematography, laying out a neon-drenched future-style city so beautiful in its own way that an action sequence can afford to be played out in silhouette before a glowing blue sign. I think few would argue that this is the best-looking Bond film ever. The obvious glory comes both in Shanghai and, later, misty Scottish highlands, Deakins’ work making every location an engaging character to compete with the powerful acting. Throughout, though, the film has a considered approach that makes it, however subtly, gorgeous to watch. Visually it feels rich and deep in a way few of its ilk can match.

The name's Moneypenny, Eve MoneypennyFrom Shanghai Bond travels to a casino in Macau, where he’s reunited with Eve — who, as you’ll remember, shot him. We won’t learn it until much later, but Eve is of course Moneypenny. Providing such an iconic character with an origin story is an interesting move for the series, though perhaps unsurprising within the overall ethos of the Craig era. In retrospect, knowing who Eve will turn out to be, the way the film uses her is quite clever. For instance, she and Bond are clearly close, but it’s left deliberately unclear whether they sleep together — some viewers have assumed it’s implied they do, others the opposite, which just goes to prove it’s left up in the air. And when it turns out she’s Moneypenny, that’s kind of important — not only can there be the usual “will they/won’t they”, there’s also “have they/haven’t they”. The familiar Bond-Moneypenny relationship would be very different if we knew they’d already done it.

Also introduced in this film is Q (Ben Whishaw). Played for the first time as younger than Bond, he’s now a twenty-something geeky hacker-type, entirely befitting the modern world. There’s also a shortage of gadgets (producing one of the film’s best laughs, I think). It’s all part of the mythology of the Craig era, rebuilding the traditional Bond formula in a modern image. Taking us back to the trilogy idea, if Casino Royale began the formation of the James Bond character in an origin story kind of way, and Quantum further refined it, then Skyfall is the completion of the journey: the familiar elements are built up around Bond, and his character is broken down and reassembled for (hopefully) a final time. These moves are all cemented in the final scene, which we’ll come to later (obviously).

Pretty hackingQ also serves as part of another major discussion in the film, that being the role of the secret service in the modern world. So much can be done with the internet and related technology these days that perhaps the real heroes are the Q-types who sit at keyboards and process data; but, as Q himself says, sometimes a trigger must be pulled. There’s also a lot of talk about operating in the shadows — who does and who does not, and whether the secret service as we know it is an outdated way to combat modern threats, particularly nation-less terrorism. For a mainstream action movie there’s an awful lot of thoughtfulness about the state of our world, without making it too blatant that it’s discussing the current political climate. It’s another feat to the film’s credit that it can smuggle this intelligent discourse into an action-thriller format. It’s obvious which side of the line the film will come down on, and of course it’s as much a plot point as a considered debate (more so, even), but it adds welcome layers.

For all this re-building and debating, Mendes — and screenwriters Neal Purvis & Robert Wade (in what, it turns out, will be their final contribution to the franchise) and John Logan — are certainly Bond fans, and they haven’t forgotten this is the 50th anniversary film. You may remember that Die Another Day was both the series’ 20th instalment and the 40th anniversary film, and it went overboard with references to the past: littered throughout, both in dialogue and on props, are titles of previous films; the Q branch scene was loaded with gadgets from previous entries; and there were callbacks galore, the best-known being Halle Berry recreating The Bikini Scene from Dr. No. It was all good fun, but it was very overt in a Roger Moore-ish way — something that absolutely would not sit within the Craig era.

Reconstructed BondWhat we get instead, however, is a more subtle use of familiarity and nostalgia. For one thing, the finalisation of the reconstruction of Bond’s character is a good way to mark 50 years; as is re-introducing Q, Moneypenny and the traditional Bond setup. Additionally, there’s things like the Komodo dragons, a conscious nod to Craig and Mendes’ first Bond experience, Live and Let Die (which had crocodiles). It’s a little outlandish, but not implausibly so. The same can be said of the villain’s lair, a deserted island that is based on a real place near Japan. With its erring towards realism the Craig era has done away with hollowed-out volcanoes and ice palaces, but here it manages to reconstruct that notion in a modern, plausible way.

And then there’s the DB5. At first you think it’s just The Car — Bond did win it in a poker game in Casino Royale, after all — but then there’s a gag about the ejector seat. Woah there, I felt — we’re in a realist modern world, and now you’re referencing a classic element, yes, but a somewhat implausible one, from a massively different era in the franchise. Is that ruining the mood for the sake of an audience-pleasing joke? But then they go all-out, as the climax employs pretty much every gadget we remember from the car’s original appearance in Goldfinger. This is the height of the film’s nostalgia, and one could have a long debate about what it Means. When you think about it, theoretically Connery, Lazenby, Moore, Dalton and Brosnan never happened in the world of the Craig films, because that stuff about Bond being just a codename is utter nonsense. So where does the car come from? Who used the gadgets before? The DB5 - The CarBut the thing is, it doesn’t matter, because it’s fun. On the whole Skyfall may be part of the newer, more serious era of Bond movies, but it has room for humour and heart, and the use of the DB5 has those in spades. And if you really want an in-universe explanation, you can come up with one. So does it sit uneasily with the rest of the film? Maybe a little. For some, I imagine it’s a deal breaker. But I think it works, and how.

Back on track: after Macau, Bond gets to visit the villain’s island, via a sequence where he sleeps with supporting Bond girl Sévérine. Much has been written about that act, especially considering the backstory the character is given. Some people firmly object to it on moral levels. Others have discussed why it makes sense and fits, and isn’t actually abusive. I have no real desire to discuss it in depth, but it feels like it should be mentioned, and so I’ll say I side with the latter.

The villain’s island, then, has been discussed — but what of the villain. If Craig and Dench are the film’s core, you need a villain that can equal them, and in Javier Bardem’s Silva you most definitely have it. From his fabulous introduction — a seemingly endless single take in which he approaches down a long, long corridor — onwards, Bardem has crafted a Bond villain for the ages. He’s camp, yes, something that has been much-discussed (the homoeroticism between him and Bond in his introductory scene has been over-discussed, in fact), but he’s also a genuine threat. Bardem pitches it just right, actually: he could have gone overboard with the campness and made Silva ludicrous, but instead his joviality and cackling laugh makes him all the more menacing. Camp as a row of tentsCoupled with a plot that makes him exceedingly clever and capable, he’s the most Bondian Bond villain since the Moore era. And he even has a physical grotesquery, which some hold as essential for Bond villain… and it’s a CGI-aided doozy too. They say a hero is as only as good as his villain, and while that’s not always true, it is almost always, and actor, writers, director and co have all nailed the nemesis here.

The other striking element of the character is his plan. He doesn’t seek some form of world domination, as the vast majority of Bond villains do (even in the modern era — it’s just been a more plausible, often financial, form of domination than the create-a-new-society-in-space style domination of old), but vengeance. And not vengeance against Bond, even, but M. And here’s another thing the film really nails, making Bond-M-Silva a triumvirate that drives everything, both the surface action and some of the thematic subtext. Bond and Silva are M’s two sons, both with reason to be disillusioned, but one loyal and one betrayer. The Bond series previously tried a hero-mirroring villain in the last anniversary-themed film, Die Another Day, but bungled it by doing it overtly but not actually emphasising it correctly. Here, the mirroring is more subtle — Silva is most certainly not constructed in Bond’s image; and, indeed, he’s the older man, the original, while Bond is The Guy Who Came Next — but the implications are better realised.

It’s in the next sequence that we see Silva’s true intelligence: captured by Bond and MI6, he reveals his plan and his deformation… and then he escapes. Here we have the film’s primary depiction of cyber-terrorism and hacking (although it’s scattered throughout). Terrorists in glass houses...Some, especially tech-geeks of course, have criticised this element of the film for its lack of realism. I assume no one told them they were watching A James Bond Film. Actually, I assume no one told them they were watching a mainstream action-thriller full stop. Real-life hacking involves a lot of boring windows and just the command line and more resolutely uncinematic stuff like that. But here we’re in a fantasy world — it’s a more grounded fantasy world than the ones of Moore and Brosnan, or even Lazenby, but it’s still not Our World exactly. And this is not a film about hacking either — it’s a film in which cyber-terrorism is used as a plot point. So why not make it more visually arresting for the sake of the audience? The point is not “here’s what a hacker would do”, it’s “where the hell did Silva go? Now I must track him down and try to shoot him”. The way the film handles that side of things fits the bill. Sure, the server room on Silva’s island is similarly beyond daft (oh, the dust!), but it makes the right kind of visual impact. I have sympathy for the articles deconstructing this as unrealistic — everything in a film this popular must be broken down and thoroughly analysed for the sake of internet hits, after all — but if it ruined your enjoyment of the film… lighten up, it’s not a documentary. Do you think the depiction of how MI6 functions is any more realistic?

Here’s where we get the fantastic chase through the London underground, and the much-trailed train crash. Skyfall has an intelligent approach to its action sequences, allowing them to emerge from the story when and where necessary — and on a scale that is necessary — rather than shoving in beats that feel forced or of disproportionate scale just because the film merits them at that moment. I suppose that’s what makes it more of a thriller than an action movie, and it’s certainly a mentality that’s been employed to good effect throughout the Craig era: Rush hourcompare and contrast Die Another Day, where they go off for a car chase on the ice for no good reason before returning to where they started, with Casino Royale, where the biggest sequence is immediately post-titles, or Quantum, which has a relentless first half (ish) before settling down to a story. Skyfall is more balanced, particularly than Quantum, but nothing feels shoehorned in.

Here also is where we find one of the film’s standout moments of moviemaking artistry. Mirroring the silent-but-for-opera chase midway through Quantum, Bond races to an inquiry where M is giving evidence, in pursuit of Silva who is intending to finalise his revenge, with the soundtrack sharing only Judi Dench’s voice delivering a reading from Tennyson: “though we are not now that strength which in old days moved earth and heaven,” she says, cementing those previously-discussed themes of what the role of the secret service (and, indeed, Britain) is in the modern world; and continues, “heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield,” as a weakened, past-it Bond races to her rescue. It’s so perfect it could have been written for the film especially.

MalloryAnd then there’s an action sequence, a shoot-out at the inquiry, which is relatively low-key and yet one of the best bits of the movie. Mallory gets stuck in, earning Bond’s respect in the process, and as you’ve seen the film you’ll know where that goes, and because of where that goes Mallory having Bond’s respect is absolutely vital.

Silva gets away, and now the pieces are in place for the final act. And what a final act it is! This is not your typical climax to a Bond film, as Bond and M head north to Scotland, where they meet Albert Finney at Bond’s ancestral home — the titular Skyfall Lodge — there to hole up in preparation for an attack by Silva and his crew. Your typical Bond climax is a mano-a-mano fight between Bond and the villain, or an all-out assault by British/allied troops on the villain’s grand base. Not so here. In the quiet wilds of Scotland, one past-it secret agent and two pensioners hide away in a decrepit old mansion, with two guns and minimal bullets, and wait for a small personal army to turn up. It could be an anticlimax, but The Siege of Skyfall (as the more fantasy-inclined might wish to call it) is another excellent action sequence to add to Skyfall’s heavy roster. As before, it’s Bond’s brains that win out, planning tactically how to take down Silva’s men and fool them with the destruction of the house (while our heroes escape out a hidden passage, naturally). It is, once again, inventively written by Purvis, Wade & Logan (the use of the DB5, the construction of the plan, etc); The Siege of Skyfallcrisply directed by Mendes (readily followable action, building tension and suspense); stunningly shot by Deakins (dark but for the flames); beautifully performed by Craig, Dench, Bardem and Finney (particularly in the lead-up to the assault)… it’s a climax that does indeed tie together much of what makes the film.

The story comes to a close in a chapel, by the graves of Bond’s parents. There’s imagery and meaning in that, I’m certain. Silva kills M (somewhat indirectly); Bond kills Silva. Some have read this as a failure — that Bond loses — and while it’s certainly a qualified victory, it is a victory. The villain is dead, after all, and by taking him out of the way to Scotland they saved goodness-knows how many lives in London or wherever else they may have chosen to go. Bond loses M, true, but my are there factors in that death. This incarnation of M was a warrior, albeit from behind a desk than from the front line (most of the time), and so is dying in battle (as it were) not more fitting than a half-disgraced retirement? And what of her sins, against both Silva and Bond — is this a punishment? However much the villain may indeed be the villain, he kinda has a point. Bond may not really win at the end of Skyfall, but nor does he lose — much like the rest of the film, it’s a little more complicated than that.

By way of an epilogue, we are back in London, not at Vauxhall Cross but at, clearly, some other MI6 HQ — perhaps the Universal Exports of old. This is where we learn that Eve is Moneypenny, that Mallory is the new M, and that Bond is back in business. For Britain, JamesThis is where they say, after fifty years of Bond movies, everything is the same… only different. This is where the dialogue is a bit clunky and I wish someone had thought it through some more because it could have been perfect and instead it’s somewhere between awesome and cringe-inducing. “We haven’t been formally introduced” — seriously? You can do better than that!

But what fits, beautifully, is the gun barrel. David Arnold consciously kept the Bond theme out of Casino Royale until the very end because that was when Craig Became Bond; and Marc Forster consciously left the gun barrel to the end of Quantum of Solace because that was when the journey was complete and Craig Really Became Bond; and yet, somehow, they can get away with it for a third time. Perhaps that’s because, here, the Craig Era Becomes Bond — we’ve got M in a wood-panelled office, Moneypenny behind her desk, Q cooking up new gadgets, Bond back at his best… and a trilogy in which Daniel Craig’s James Bond went from gaining his 00 status to being the Bond we knew — with all the rich, deep, emotional backstory we never knew he had firmly in place — is now complete too. When the gun barrel plays (in an improved form from the rushed one we saw in Quantum), it isn’t just part of the fabric of the franchise, it feels earned.

And following it with the Bond 50 logo and the regular declaration that “James Bond Will Return” is fan-heart-wrenching genius.

A flawed heroSkyfall is, perhaps, a flawed film in places. It’s certainly not perfect. Thomas Newman’s score is adequate but rarely exceptional, and at times reminded me too much of his work for Lemony Snicket (and maybe his other scores too, but I particularly enjoyed that one and remember it well). On a similar note (pun not intended), Adele’s theme has been divisive, some hailing it a return to proper classic Bond themes after a decade and a half of dross, some thinking it over-produced and lacklustre (I fall between the two camps, even if she seems to be under the impression the film is called Skyfoal). There are points where the plot perhaps lingers too long, and others where characters speak in statements rather than dialogue, and of course I had problems with the final scene and while I enjoyed the use of the DB5 it somehow doesn’t quite sit… and yet, I’d’ve done exactly the same if I’d thought of it.

Some say Skyfall is a more dramatic, permanent, and thorough reboot of the franchise than the obviously-a-reboot Casino Royale was. Others say it’s a fine film but not really the equal of Craig’s debut. As I said in my initial thoughts, it really takes time to fairly judge where a new entry sits within the Bond pantheon. There seems little doubt, however, that Skyfall is in the upper echelons. Whether it surpasses Casino Royale, or the best films of any of the other Bonds, is almost immaterial — it is its own beast, both faithful to the Bond legends that we know and capable of forging its own unique path. James Bond Will ReturnThat’s some kind of glorious contradiction — one of many in the film and its characters, I’m sure, should you care to take a run at analysing it that way. After the last 4,800 words, this may not be the place.

Thank you for reading; now you can see the star rating this affirmed Bond fan was always rather likely to give:

5 out of 5

If you’ve not had enough of my thoughts on Skyfall, my spoiler-free “initial thoughts” can be found here.

This review is the climax of the 100 Films Advent Calendar 2012. Read more here.

Skyfall placed 1st on my list of The Ten Best Films I Saw For the First Time in 2012, which can be read in full here.

RoboCop 2 (1990)

2012 #82
Irvin Kershner | 116 mins | streaming | 1.85:1 | USA / English | 18 / R

RoboCop 2The consensus opinion seems to be that the RoboCop films exist on a steep downward trajectory of quality, starting with the pretty-good first film and ending with the nadir-of-humanity third. In this equation the second lands, naturally, somewhere in the middle — not that good, but not so bad. Personally, I enjoyed it more than the first.

As future-Detroit’s police strike over something to do with evil megacorporation OCP, ever-popular officer RoboCop fights a war on drugs, while OCP plot his replacement… Such is the barebones of a plot on which hang some solid stabs at satire and some nice boundary-pushing plot points, which at times left the film feeling still relevant today — something I felt the first RoboCop no longer was. Take the gun-toting pre-teen wannabe-drugs-baron, for instance, one of the film’s best characters who (spoiler alert!) they’re not afraid to deal a bloody death to. I’m not revelling in the death of children here, and I don’t think the film does either; instead, it demonstrates a kind of ballsiness and not backing down from the story and world they’ve created.

The satire is one of the most praised elements of the original film, but with new writers and a new director on board it would’ve been easy to ignore that in favour of a film in which a robot cop shoots lots of criminals. That is, obviously, not the case, and while at times some of the sequel’s jabs at society may be more on-the-nose even than the first film’s efforts, they’re not unwelcome or inaccurate. The screenplay was in part written by objectionably-right-wing comic book author Frank Miller, RoboCop tooand though it was reportedly massively re-written after his work was done (to the extent that, decades later, there was a comic book miniseries that adapted his original version) I think his touch can still be felt at times.

I also criticised the franchise opener for poor special effects, and I think RoboCop 2 improves in that regard too. There’s still moderately obvious modelwork on display, but it doesn’t seem as cartoonish or juddery as the previous film’s. The climactic villain is a more genuine threat (it’s responsible for at least one massacre at any rate) and the battle with RoboCop, a mix of life-size props and stop-motion, makes for an exciting, well-matched finale, something the first film’s falling-down-the-stairs moment didn’t quite achieve.

I can’t say I’m overly enamoured with either of the RoboCop films I’ve watched to date. As a character and franchise it seems to have slipped from the consciousness a bit in the last decade or so, and I can’t say I find huge fault with that status. Plus, it’ll be interesting to see if the forthcoming remake can do anything to boost the franchise’s fortunes. Nonetheless, this sequel is a solid example of R-rated late-’80s action entertainment that, as noted on more than one occasion, I certainly liked better than its predecessor.

4 out of 5

This review is part of the 100 Films Advent Calendar 2012. Read more here.

RoboCop (1987)

2012 #80
Paul Verhoeven | 103 mins | streaming | 1.85:1 | USA / English | 18 / R

RoboCopIn a crime-addled future Detroit, cop Alex Murphy is gunned down by a gang of crooks, only to be resurrected by evil megacorporation OCP as the future of law enforcement: RoboCop. Obviously — that’s the title.

Hailed by those who love it as some kind of satirical masterpiece, RoboCop does manage to raise itself above other mindless ’80s action fare, at least to some degree. Equally, should you choose to watch it brain-off then I doubt you’ll be too troubled by its criticisms of corporate greed or the privatisation of public services (at least, I assume those are the targets — this is an American film and don’t Americans love privatisation? But then, Verhoeven is European, so who knows). There’s gory action and the odd one-liner to enjoy, as well as Murphy’s battle with identity once he becomes the robotic enforcer.

At this point, I think RoboCop has become a film you had to be there for. Viewed now, 25 years after release, it looks dated. The stop-motion rendering of big bad robot ED-209 appears jerky and cartoonish now, like something from a kids’ action/adventure film rather than an 18-rated satirical thriller. RoboCop beats it by making it fall down some stairs, after which it can’t get up, wiggling its legs in the air comically. Maybe that was Verhoeven’s intent, to make it laughable, but I’m not sure. I’m loath to criticise old-fashioned effects because, a) that’s all they had access to at the time, and b) they can often look better than today’s CGI-obsessed major movies; but where the likes of Back to the Future or Star Wars still stand up to scrutiny, I don’t believe RoboCop cuts the mustard.

There’s a remake coming soon which has seen a lot of criticism levelled at it by fans, especially over leaked photos of the new costume. I’m not exactly looking forward to it, but nor am I dreading it — the concept’s a good’un and could withstand a refresh. Plus the version of RoboCop presented here, all stompy and bulky and slow, wouldn’t cut the mustard in an era that’s decades on from the T-1000 and can see small, streamlined technology every way we turn.

In the meantime, there’s this, but I do think it’s rather had its day.

3 out of 5

This review is part of the 100 Films Advent Calendar 2012. Read more here.

The Final Destination (2009)

2012 #61
David R. Ellis | 82 mins | Blu-ray | 2.40:1 | USA / English | 15 / R

The Final DestinationThe best thing about The Final Destination is its title, because turning the series’ familiar name into a definitive article for the final entry is really quite a neat move. Sadly, it was a hit and they’ve made more. Why it was a hit… God only knows.

For starters, the story (such as it is) is a complete and utter rehash of the plot of every other film in the series. The only thing on its side is efficiency: it races through ‘plot’ scenes in a quest to find the next set piece. For example, the Rules are explained to this all-new cast because they Google “premonitions” and find out what happened in the previous movies. The overriding sense of familiarity makes for kind of depressing viewing. Previous films tried to find new twists on the rules, ways the cycle might genuinely be broken, etc, whereas this seems content to merely move from one death to the next. Aside from creative ways to kill people, literally the only new idea is that the premonition-haver sees two people die at almost exactly the same time and can’t remember who was first, meaning instead of traipsing to warn the next person they have to find two people. And that’s it.

Production values are low too, featuring very cheap CGI and very poor acting. I’d say both are below the standard of US network TV filler, so for the fourth entry in a fairly successful big-screen franchise that seems even more woeful. I know it’s only Final Destination, but still… The cast aren’t helped by the woeful screenplay, but I don’t think they could’ve enlivened a better one either. They’ve clearly been cast just for being Young and Pretty, but surely there are some Young, Pretty people who can act?

How this film will make you feel, 1The focus is clearly on the deaths — at 11 it has the highest of the series, and with its short running time that means there’s a fatality every seven minutes. They’re also very gory, more so than in previous films I’d say, but they’re not commensurately more inventive. There’s a very thorough line in misdirection at times, but the whole enterprise feels painfully lacking in creativity. I’m not sure some of them even make sense. But then do they need to? Similarly, there’s some customary low-rent-horror-movie completely-gratuitous nudity too, which I’m sure delighted teenage boys even more in 3D.

None of the deaths matter because nothing is done to make us care about these characters, or even be broadly interested in them, unlike the best of the earlier entries. So there’s zero tension, zero emotion, just elaborate death after elaborate death. It’s one of the most hollow films I can think of. It may even have been better if they’d ditched the attempts at a plot and gone for a series of vignettes in which, unbeknownst to one another, the survivors were bumped off in order. That’s basically what this film wants to be anyway. At least it would’ve been something different. And shorter. And when you want an under-80-minutes (before credits) film to be shorter… oh dear.

The 3D factor was a large part of the film’s promotion, and it makes full use of stereo visuals in exactly the way you’d expect a schlocky horror to. Problem is, it’s so designed for 3D that some of it doesn’t work in 2D. It’s not just the usual array of stuff flying at the camera for no reason — Woah-oh-oh your steps are on firethat’s a sure sign it was meant for cheap 3D thrills, but otherwise fine — here, stuff pokes straight out. That means in 2D you see, say, the flat end of a pole, with absolutely zero sense of depth. This happened with one trap in Saw 3D, but in The Final Destination it keeps coming up. It might not sound like a serious problem, but again and again it jars as you try to work out exactly what’s where in the very flat straight-on 2D rendering. Maybe it’s good that 3D films are so thoroughly designed for their intended medium, but I’m not convinced.

As mentioned, this was sold as the final Final Destination — hence the definitive-article title — but it was a surprise hit (thanks in no small part to the 3D, back in the Avatar-hype era when it guaranteed anything a significant boost) and so the series has continued. What’s perhaps most odd, however, is that it makes no serious attempt to bring the whole series to a close. Sure, #3 ditched any links to the first two with a brand-new cast as well, but you’d think, knowing this was The Last One, they’d try to bring it full circle somehow. But clearly not.

Then again, I’m not sure anyone involved could have if they wanted too. The evidence for that is on screen: some of it is unbelievably boneheaded. “Where’s Lori?” “I dunno, I’ve been calling and texting all afternoon, she won’t pick up her phone.” Oh, maybe she’s, I dunno, in the film she told you she was going to see in the scene before last! Dear God.

How this film will make you feel, 2Elsewhere, one character starts talking about déjà vu before getting killed in the same way as the first film’s most famous death. I suppose it’s meant to be Meta and Funny, and maybe it kinda is, but again the CG is so cheap that the half-trained eye will spot an effect is about to happen, and the manner of death once again doesn’t really make sense. Later, we learn that shopping mall sprinklers can instantly extinguish all fires — handy!

I could go on. I have half a dozen more examples in my notes. But no. It’s so woeful that it’s kind of frustratingly bad — you want someone with half a brain to come along and make the film work.

There’s a somewhat amusing way to judge the Final Destination series: its posters and/or DVD covers; and, specifically, what they tell us about the decreasing importance of character to the franchise. You see, the first prominently features head shots of the central cast (albeit half turned into skulls). The second offers either blurry head shots or full body shots, reducing their recognisability. In the third, the cast are still there, but reduced to near-facelessness seated on a roller coaster, often upside down. And by the fourth, they’re not even there at all. It’s true that Final Destination has never really been about the characters — it’s about how they die — but it’s also true that the more attached you are to them, however superficially, the better (as it were) their deaths are. Perhaps it’s just a coincidence that the characters, deaths and films get weaker at about the same rate, or perhaps each really is connected to the others.

This picture is a metaphorThere’s potential in the concept of the Final Destination films, but clearly it’s either limited or the people in charge don’t know how to exploit it, because after making two quite-good films they’ve turned it into a repetitive, stale, uncreative, formulaic disaster. And there’s now a fifth too, and a sixth hasn’t been ruled out — surely it/they can’t be any worse than this? Based on form, maybe they can…

1 out of 5

The Final Destination is on Film4 and Film4 HD tonight at 11:05pm, and again on Friday 21st at 11:10pm. Because I’m sure you really want to see it now.

This review is part of the 100 Films Advent Calendar 2012. Read more here.

The Final Destination featured on my list of The Five Worst Films I Saw in 2012, which can be read in full here.

The Lincoln Lawyer (2011)

2012 #23
Brad Furman | 114 mins | TV | 2.35:1 | USA / English | 15 / R

The Lincoln LawyerAdapted from a novel by best-selling author Michael Connelly, The Lincoln Lawyer seemed to appear out of nowhere and garner an uncommonly high amount of praise. I’m glad that intrigued me, because, while not a revelatory experience, it’s certainly worth your time.

The story concerns hot-shot lawyer Mick Haller (Matthew McConaughey), who works out of the back of his car (hence the title), and his latest case, defending a rich playboy accused of murder. Essentially, it’s a solid crime/legal thriller; the kind of thing we’d probably get as a 90-minute TV episode over here, but thanks to America not really having that format, it gets the cinema treatment. Nonetheless, it’s well enough acted, with an interesting enough story, to sustain the grander status automatically afforded to something released theatrically.

As a thriller its plot is naturally packed with surprises, reversals, about-turns… in other words, twists. The big one plays at the halfway point, which is a nice change. It’s not exactly an unguessable turn of events, but the story may still have a few surprises up its sleeve. Of course, anyone who watches or reads enough crime fiction is rarely (if ever) going to be surprised by a thriller’s plot, as they all essentially re-arrange a selection of elements from the genre’s large grab bag in a way that makes them moderately unique. Connelly and adaptor John Romano make sure Lincoln Lawyer arranges its chosen selection in a way that indeed makes it unique enough, especially when buoyed by some quality acting and slick (but not show-off-y) direction from Furman.

Lawyer out of LincolnI’m not sure I’ve ever seen McConaughey in anything (nothing I remember, anyway), but my impression has been he’s not all that. Here, though, he nails the slightly-smarmy-but-kinda-likeable street-wise defence attorney Mick Haller. He’s buoyed by a quality cast: Ryan Phillippe is eminently plausible as a rich kid used to getting his own way, while the likes of William H. Macy, Marisa Tomei, John Leguizamo and Bob Gunton offer typically consummate support.

The array of small roles arranged around Haller once again make it feel like the setup for a TV series. There’s his ex-wife and their daughter; his investigator ‘sidekick’; his driver (important when you work out of the back of your car); a couple of detectives he butts heads with; the bale bondsman who gets him work; some regular clients… They do all have a role to play in this particular tale, but with so many it feels like setting up avenues to be explored in future episodes. I suppose all thriller authors do this nowadays – their heroes are designed to run for books and books (Haller’s only at four, but Connelly’s other main character has amassed 17+, and you can see similar numbers in other author’s series), so they need to be set up like a TV series. Plus it helps if they ever get adapted for TV… and just to cement such a view, NBC have commissioned a TV spin-off from this. (Lionsgate also talked of pushing ahead with a sequel. I haven’t heard anything about either project for ages so don’t know their current status.)

That may be the tip of the iceberg for Michael Connelly on screen. Though this is only the second adaptation of his work, he’s clearly successful in print and positioning himself for a big-screen future: The lawyer's Lincolnafter languishing in development hell for 20 years, he recently paid Paramount $3 million for the rights to his most prolific character. With said character being the half-brother of Haller, and that Lincoln Laywer sequel in development, maybe Connelly’s work is destined to become the Marvel Cinematic Universe of crime/legal film adaptations. This could be the time to get in on the ground floor.

One might argue that The Lincoln Lawyer doesn’t quite do enough to transcend the feeling of a TV procedural, and it’s a point of view I have some sympathy for. But even still, it’s a high-quality, well-made example of the genre.

4 out of 5

This review is part of the 100 Films Advent Calendar 2012. Read more here.

The Lincoln Lawyer placed 8th on my list of The Ten Best Films I Saw For the First Time in 2012, which can be read in full here.

Drive Angry (2011)

2012 #39
Patrick Lussier | 104 mins | Blu-ray | 1.78:1 | USA / English | 18 / R

Drive AngryNic Cage does the Taken thing with added CGI and supernatural posturing in this grindhouse-y actioner from the director of such inspiring films as The Prophecy 3, Dracula 2001 and the My Bloody Valentine remake.

The grindhouse style works for it. It’s got a crazy plot, crazy action, gratuitous violence, gratuitous nudity, rough production values, variable acting, loopy bad guys — the highlight is definitely the latter, with William Fichtner channelling Christopher Walken. The whole thing could do with being punchier and pacier, and shorter, but the out-there action, some bits of dialogue, and Fichtner make it almost worthwhile. None of it is especially memorable, but while it lasts it’s appreciably trashy.

That said, the sex scene fight is a steal from Shoot ‘Em Up, and not a very good steal. Slow-mo saps it of all tension or excitement. Other action scenes fare better, but by no means all of them. Edited by the director and his brother, I think they need to learn some new tricks to punch these scenes up a bit. It gets better as the film goes on and they have crazier material, but some of the early stuff is remarkably pedestrian.

The film’s promotion made a big point of being shot in 3D (instead of the usual style of “Drive Angry 3D”, the posters call it “Drive Angry Shot in 3D”), but most of the in-your-face “look it’s 3D!” stuff is CGI anyway. So would it benefit from being seen in 3D? The best thing in the filmOnly in that stuff flies at the camera and whatnot. You can indeed tell it was made for 3D, but that doesn’t mean it needs it. Indeed, the poke-the-audience stuff aside, none of it suggests it would look great in 3D — for all the pointlessness of cinema’s new money-spinning format, it can add something to the vistas in a film like Avatar. Drive Angry has nothing vaguely on that level.

These days your big blockbusters won’t get you change from $200m, so at $50m Drive Angry is a cheapy – which at least explains some of its low-rent looks. But it’s not that cheap, and the CGI is appalling. Some of it was of the level I’d expect from a direct-to-DVD mockbuster, and those are made for closer to $50 than $50m. In spite of the low cost, it did spectacularly badly at the box office. Even though it sold itself as “Starring Film Star Nicolas Cage” and “look there’s action!” and “look there’s a sexy girl!” (these are the three main things you get from the poster, and I imagine the trailers also), it opened a paltry 9th at the US box office and took just $28.9m… worldwide. Total. That’s only about 60% of its budget. Its poor performance makes it “the lowest-grossing opening of a 3D film released in over 2,000 US theatres”. Unlike some low-budget flops (Dredd 3D, I’m looking at you), this commercial failure doesn’t really bother me.

This is what happens when you drive angrilyAs noted, director Lussier does not have an inspiring CV: he started with numerous straight-to-video sequels, then a big screen sequel-no-one-wanted (even with Nathan Fillion in it) in White Noise: The Light, before what I guess must’ve been a modicum of success with My Bloody Valentine, which I seem to remember a (relatively) big fuss being made about because it was one of the first live-action things in true 3D or somesuch. Perhaps the massive flopping of Drive Angry will kill his career back off — his next project is apparently re-make threequel Halloween III, which I don’t imagine anyone anywhere is eagerly anticipating.

Drive Angry isn’t completely without merit, but it’s the kind of film where you have to hunt for the good stuff among the dross. Even as brain-off actioners go, you can do better.

2 out of 5

This review is part of the 100 Films Advent Calendar 2012. Read more here.

The Expendables (2010)

2012 #94
Sylvester Stallone | 103 mins | Blu-ray | 2.40:1 | USA / English | 18 / R

The ExpendablesAs The Avengers is to superhero movies, so The Expendables is to ’80s action films. More or less. I mean, this isn’t a character team-up, just an actor one… but these actors played essentially the same characters all the time anyway.

It’s also the kind of film that uses The Boys Are Back In Town on its end credits in a non-ironic way.

Set very much Now (it begins with a fight against Somali pirates), with no acknowledgement of the fact these guys might be a bit past it, the story concerns Sylvester Stallone’s gang of mercenaries being hired by a mysterious chap to overthrow the dictator of a small island somewhere that speaks Spanish. That’s about all you need to know, because the point of The Expendables is to have people shoot, punch, kick, stab and blow each other up. And that’s fine.

You see, this isn’t a reconstructed action movie, or a revisionist one, or an attempt to progress the genre in any other way. There’s an attempt to inject some kind of heart or introspectiveness into the characters, but nothing much out of the norm for the genre, and certainly nothing significant in the “I’m too old for this” department. (There’s an extended cut that adds even more of this, which sounds frankly unnecessary.) I think that annoyed some viewers, but maybe they should’ve more carefully considered what they were watching. This is a film that headlines Stallone and his modern-day equivalent Jason Statham, The titular teamwith a main cast fleshed out by ‘names’ like Randy Couture and Terry Crews. Hardly Al Pacino, or even Bourne-level Matt Damon.

What you do get is a film that revels in its action-movie-ness. I mean, most of the characters have great (read: daft) action movie names: Barney Ross, Lee Christmas, Yin Yang, Toll Road, Hale Caesar, Paine… How is that not a film aware of its own absurdity? How can you not enjoy that, even a little? Then there’s all the homoeroticism. Stallone goes for the full on camp look: bulging muscles, collagened lips, perma-tanned mahogany, little goatee, beret… Statham gets an early subplot with a love interest; Mickey Rourke is said to have a string of totty; Stallone almost has a love interest, but kind of rejects her at every turn. I’m sure you could easily entertain yourself by reading the film as him being in the closet — pair up his references to previous hurtful relationships with his animosity towards Schwarzenegger, for instance. Makes you wonder what Barney and Lee get up to on those long autopilot flights to and from the island…

Everyone gets their chance to shine, including those lesser names in supporting roles like Couture (pulling off something Stallone’s character can’t), Crews (with a wonderfully loud gun) and Steve Austin (kicking Sly’s ass). There are cameos from Bruce Willis (watch the gag reel — it seems he could barely be bothered to learn his lines) and Arnie (I know he was never a great actor, but was he always that bad?) They’re fun though, and help contribute a couple of memorable lines.

How cool is that?The main joy of the film is, of course, the action. There are plentiful big explosions, blood-spurting deaths, highly choreographed one-on-one punch-ups… It takes a bit of time to get going in this regard, too concerned with trying to give us a plot where we don’t need one and shadows of character development where we don’t want it, but when it kicks in it’s entertainingly bombastic. Particular stand-outs include a plane-based attack on a pier and the crazy climax, an everyone-on-everyone brawl that features a whole building exploding as just one small part.

And in traditional violent action movie style, it was even cut for UK cinemas. How thoughtful. Said edit was two seconds to get a 15; the BD (and DVD? I don’t know) is uncut. The edited moment was a stabbing, of which there are many, many examples in the film; but this one was deemed sufficiently worse than the others. Can’t say I blame the distributor making that cut — a tiny omission no one would notice, which gains three years’ worth of action-hungry teens with plentiful disposable income, your precise target market.

The Expendables, with its name-packed cast and throwback values, aims to be the action movie to end all action movies. It’s not quite that, but for those who enjoy the genre it ticks enough of the right boxes. It’s not reinventing the wheel, it’s not modern or cutting edge, but I don’t think it was ever truly aiming to be. It’s straightforward brain-in-neutral entertainment for Blokes, and as that it delivers suitably.

3 out of 5

The UK TV premiere of The Expendables is on Channel 5 tonight at 9pm. It’s repeated on Wednesday 12th at 10pm.

This review is part of the 100 Films Advent Calendar 2012. Read more here.