Welcome to my monthly “Failures” column, where I look back at some of the films I could, would, maybe even should have watched last month… but failed to.

I did actually make two trips to the cinema in September, but both were to see films that first came out back in August. I might have headed out for Korean monster flick Hope too, after seeing a trailer before one of my trips and thinking it looked fun, but it wasn’t actually playing at the cinema where it was trailed. Seems like a dumb idea to me, but there we go. It was the same story for the new Nicolas Winding Refn film, Her Private Hell, although the reviews didn’t look great and I’ve got several other Refns on disc I’ve not watched, so I doubt I’d’ve bothered anyway.

Other new releases that will end up on my streaming watchlist someday included The Death of Robin Hood (I’m always interested in Robin Hood movies, so maybe this one will even tempt me on disc), D-Day planning thriller Pressure, another reboot for the Resident Evil franchise, yet another adaptation of Sense and Sensibility, Alan “Reacher” Ritchson / Owen Wilson action-comedy Runner (not to be confused with streaming original The Runner), another team-up for Fury director David Ayer and star Brad Pitt in Heart of the Beast, and, likely, the most fun of them all, Shaun the Sheep: The Beast of Mossy Bottom. Also sequels where I’ve not seen the first film, like Fall 2 (although the original is currently on iPlayer) and Practical Magic 2, and a bunch of titles I’ve written down but can’t really remember what they are.

As for original releases on streaming, a new Guy Ritchie movie turned up out of nowhere, as they’re wont to do nowadays, even when they’re led by relatively starry names like Jake Gyllenhaal and Henry Cavill, who I guess counts as a Ritchie regular lead at this point. That’s called In the Grey and is on Amazon Prime Video, if it passed you by too. Also premiering on Prime was Gal Gadot-starring thriller The Runner (not to be confused with Alan “Reacher” Ritchson / Owen Wilson action-comedy Runner) and romantic drama The Love Hypothesis, which is mildly fascinating to me because, despite being about two scientists or something, it’s based on a novel that starts life as a Star Wars fanfic about Rey and Kylo Ren. How do you get from there to here? God knows, but I think I’d probably rather watch a film about that process.

Elsewhere, Apple TV+ premiered Mayday, “a genre-bending, action-packed buddy comedy that flips the spy thriller on its head”, apparently, starring Ryan Reynolds and Kenneth Branagh. It’s written and directed by Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley of Game Night and the last D&D movie, so that makes it more appealing. It goes on the long list of stuff I keep meaning to watch on Apple — a list that means I keep not cancelling my subscription even as I keep not getting round to stuff. Goodness knows how much money I’ve given them for nothing…

One subscription I did cancel this month was Netflix, because it costs silly money these days if you want UHD (which I do) and I definitely don’t watch enough on it. I don’t even really care if they’re releasing new stuff or not because my backlog is long enough, but even still, they only debuted one new film in September, Unabomber. And that’s all I can tell you about that. They did add Spider-Man spinoff Kraven the Hunter, though, so that’s… good? I don’t know, I can’t remember what people thought of it. Probably not much, knowing Sony’s track record with Spider-Man spinoffs. The trailer looked like dumb fun, though. Of a different order of quality was Best Picture winner Anora, and I guess maybe sitting somewhere in between: Sonic the Hedgehog 3. (I am, of course, kidding.)

More superhero antics with a poor-to-middling reputation were to be found on Sky Cinema / NOW with the new Supergirl, alongside the fourth 28 Days Later film, aka the second 28 Years Later film, 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple, plus Dev Patel in Welsh folk horror Rabbit Trap, and creature feature Hungry about a monstrous… hippo. Yep. I know they’re deadly dangerous in real life, but c’mon. Is it based on the board game or is the title just a cheeky reference? I have no idea and I don’t care enough to google it.

Another thing I don’t really care about is the latest Star Wars film, The Mandalorian and Grogu, which came to Disney+ this month. I feel I kinda ought to see it just because it’s the only Star Wars theatrical release I’ve not seen, but descriptions of it being effectively a long episode of the TV show — a TV show I never got round to starting — don’t exactly inspire me. Unnecessary sequels really were the order of the month for Disney+, with Toy Story 5 also cropping up. I’m more likely to actually watch that, to be fair.

Looping back round to Prime, they also added comedy Fackham Hall (if you don’t get the joke, maybe try saying it out loud quickly), which I’ve had recommended to me so may well be the failure I actually get round to watching this month, and a rare-for-streaming silent film, Nanook of the North, which is so rarely available that it’s also a strong contender for actually getting watched.

What I won’t actually be streaming were the many films that I already own on disc, like sequels Creed III and Sicario 2 (both on iPlayer), a couple of titles I semi-randomly imported from Australia’s Imprint label, The Assassination Bureau and State of Grace (both on Prime), or the tonne of things I should rewatch — Gladiator, Miami Vice, Perfect Blue, The Silence of the Lambs, and Total Recall being some of the most egregious examples, considering how long it’s been since I last saw them and/or since I bought the disc. Or re-bought the disc, in some cases. Heck, re-re-bought for at least two of those.

You’d think such antics would’ve taught me to buy less by now… or you would if this is your first time reading this column. Regular readers will know of my literally-insatiable Blu-ray habit, and of course it continued this month. Headlining for sheer cost were ludicrously-price editions of Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair (which cost me the best part of £90 imported, and that was the cheapest copy I could find with some discounts applied) and Hamilton (over £60, also after a discount). Is it worth paying that much for just two films? I mean, I’ve waited literally decades for the complete Kill Bill (and a UK release doesn’t seem to be forthcoming) and I love Hamilton, so… I guess? But I hope that’s not the future for everything. Or maybe it would finally make me cut back if it were — I don’t think I’d be prepared to drop that much on many complete unknowns, which make up the majority of my purchases nowadays.

To wit: a big pile from the recent Radiance sale, including Palme d’Or-nominated Euripidean tragedy Iphigenia; gothic psychosexual thriller Libido; satirical crime drama The Ogre of Athens; a romantic melodrama by director Johnnie To, better known for his crime/action movies, Romancing in Thin Air; an “almost Shakespearean” drama about a sex worker, Rosa la rose, fille publique; and three Takashi Miike-directed yakuza films bundled as Underworld Chronicles. And because Radiance titles seem to be particularly addictive to me, for some reason, new releases The Saragossa Manuscript and World Noir Vol. 5, to go with the first four volumes that I’ve also still not watched. I feel a new idea coming on for next year’s Challenge Genre category…

Almost everything else I bought this month was in UHD, be it catching up with some old(er) favourites I missed when they came out in 4K recently-ish — namely, Fight Club and Stardust — or jumping on some boutique box sets in series I collect — like the latest of Hammer’s lavish single-film extravaganzas, The Abominable Snowman, or Arrow’s latest offering from John Woo’s back catalogue, the A Better Tomorrow Trilogy — or some brand new releases that took my fancy — Disclosure Day (can’t overlook a new Spielberg) and Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie (on the recommendation of “kept seeing it pop up on Letterboxd”. Not great reasoning, I know). And I said “almost everything” because I also bought the new film from Bait’s Mark Jenkin, Rose of Nevada, which is dual format with DVD. Yes, DVD! They still make those! And long may they continue to.