So, what’s the big cinema release of the month? Is it the latest instalment in the MCU, and the first direct sequel to that franchise’s only Best Picture nominee, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever? Or is it the limited theatrical release Netflix afforded to Knives Out sequel Glass Onion? Apparently it was such a roaring success during its one-week engagement, it left cinemas begging Netflix to extend its run and the box office commentariat noting Netflix’s obsession with avoiding/killing theatrical releases is seeing them leave millions (perhaps tens or even hundreds of millions) of dollars on the table. Funny days we live in.

There were a bunch of Netflix titles in cinemas this month, in fact, though none near enough to me to truly consider, so I’ll mention them when they actually arrive on the streamer. That said, if you’re outside the UK and Ireland, Matilda — or, to give it its full proper title, Roald Dahl’s Matilda the Musical — will be a Netflix Original when it premieres there at Christmas. Here, it’s a StudioCanal release with regular theatrical distribution (and a Netflix debut next summer). It’s an adaptation of the highly-acclaimed Royal Shakespeare Company stage production, with songs by the wonderful Tim Minchin, which I’ve wanted to see since it opened (12 years ago) but have never found myself getting round to it. And now, frankly, I feel a bit weird going to see a children’s/family film in the cinema on my lonesome, so I guess I’ll be waiting for Netflix too. In the meantime, I’m just going to listen to Revolting Children on loop…

Also getting UK theatrical releases (of one scale or another) last month were Bill Nighy-starring Ikiru remake Living; fine dining thriller The Menu; festival favourite Aftersun; star-studded Armageddon Time; another attempt to reignite the “Jon Hamm is a leading man” spark in Confess, Fletch; real-life #MeToo retelling She Said; cannibal drama Bones and All; and under-promoted Disney animation Strange World. Plus a bunch of other titles I noted down but now can’t remember what they are, so I guess they’re not too significant.

Over on the streamers, Netflix tried to score blockbuster-style impact with the likes of Slumberland, an extravagant-looking (read: lots of CGI) family fantasy starring Jason Momoa and directed by Francis “Hunger Games” Lawrence. There was also the new work from Cartoon Saloon (last seen going Apple TV+ exclusive with WolfWalkers), the even-more-kid-focused My Father’s Dragon. And period drama The Wonder, starring Florence Pugh, provoked some chat for its “this is a film” opening shot/voiceover, if nothing else. And yet they were all topped by Falling for Christmas, a made-for-TV-level piece of festive churn starring Lindsay Lohan (yes, apparently she’s still working) and with no one else of note involved. Normally I wouldn’t mention shit like this, but it was Netflix’s #1 movie at one point (yes, really), plus I saw a review on Twitter that said it was so unremittingly terrible it made for a hilarious watch. I doubt I’ll actually test that assessment, though.

Apple TV+ went down a bigger-budgeted festive route, with Ryan Reynolds and Will Ferrell starring in yet another remix of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, this time a musical one titled Spirited. I’ve not really heard any reactions to it, probably because it’s on Apple TV+. Sky Cinema’s HBO Max affiliation granted them A Christmas Story Christmas, but as the original Christmas Story never seemed to be as big a deal here as it apparently is in the US, I doubt anyone will care. No such jollity on Prime Video, whose main original offering was My Policeman, which I’d heard of primarily because it stars Harry Styles and Emma Corrin, and Amazon’s promotion did little to enlighten me further, going with just a photo of Styles in a policeman’s uniform as the poster and key art. It looks like a period drama. I doubt I’ll watch it. Of more interest is Good Night Oppy, a documentary about the Mars rover that was expected to last 90 days but went on exploring for 15 years. Feels like exactly the kind of thing I put on my watchlist and maybe get round to on a whim one day in four or five or six years’ time.

Meanwhile, MUBI’s biggest debut wasn’t really a film at all: following restored releases of Lars von Trier’s ’90s miniseries The Kingdom and The Kingdom II, they’re currently premiering weekly new episodes of the third and final season, The Kingdom Exodus. I’ve been interested in the series for a while (I own the original two runs in a Second Sight DVD box set that Amazon tells me came out in 2011), but finding time for 13 episodes of TV is always a challenge these days. In a similarly TV-ish position, the most noteworthy thing on Disney+ was The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special. It falls into the same “one-off special” bracket as Werewolf by Night last month, although I think this one sounds more explicitly TV-like; but it apparently contains some Guardians continuity stuff that will likely feed into the third film. Lines, blurred, etc.

As always, dozens (maybe hundreds) of back catalogue (re)releases on all the streamers further bulked out my watchlists, or made me annoyed that I hadn’t yet watched the disc I bought (I’m looking at you, Another Round, which after a period on Sky has now shifted to Netflix, to doubly rub in that the Blu-ray still sits unseen on my shelf). Despite the prominence of other outfits, Sky Cinema do still seem to get the big-name titles first, this month adding the likes of Morbius, The Northman, The Outfit, and The Phantom of the Open. Your mileage may vary on how much those are “big-name titles”, but I didn’t note anything of comparable scale making its streaming debut anywhere else. However, making noteworthy comebacks were both How the Grinch Stole Christmas — the live-action one with Jim Carrey — on Netflix, and The Grinch — the CG animation with the voice of Benedict Cumberbatch — on Prime Video. Choices, choices. I could keep going with all the stuff that’s popped up on streamers — not just those already mentioned, but also the free TV-based ones like iPlayer, All 4, and now ITVX too (apparently ITV’s new streaming service is finally in HD. Or some of it, anyway. Hopefully that applies to the films, because they have an interesting selection), but, seriously, we’d be here forever.

So it’s on to my purchases, then, with a list that looks surprisingly short this month. Well, I’m waiting on a lot of stuff to be delivered — both preorders and stuff delayed by the postal issues we’re currently experiencing in the UK — so December might be a bumper month. That said, if I were listing individual titles we might be here a while, because surely the month’s headline release is Arrow’s Shawscope Volume Two, featuring 14 more movies (plus a couple of alternate cuts) from the Hong Kong studio best known (at least in the West) for its prolific martial arts output. Plus, Indicator started a new range of box sets — this time collecting Universal Noir — so that’s another six films on the watchlist. Other brand-new releases included Bullet Train (the trailer looked fun, even if reviews were weak, and the disc was heavily discounted shortly after release, so I took the punt), and a 4K double-bill of Top Gun (now the third copy in my collection, after a special edition DVD (kept for its extras) and the 3D Blu-ray) and Top Gun: Maverick). New editions of archive titles included Arrow’s 4K restoration of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and the BFI’s 4K-but-on-regular-Blu-ray release of The Draughtsman’s Contract.

Despite Black Friday and general end-of-year offers, my sale purchases were limited to a couple of BFI titles (noir comedy Beat the Devil, and Jean-Pierre Melville / Jean Cocteau collaboration Les enfants terribles), a couple from HMV’s Premium Collection range (vampires a la Tony Scott in The Hunger, and the 1944 American remake of Gaslight), and Masters of Cinema’s release of silent drama The Love of Jeanne Ney.

But after all that, likely to grace my player first is a niche documentary: Doctor Who Am I, coming to disc shortly after a brief theatrical run that also saw it mentioned in last month’s failures. But, unlike when I knew I’d never catch it on the big screen, I fully intend to actually watch it this time.