Sacha Bennett | 79 mins | DVD | 15
Tu£sday is a low-budget crime thriller, in which several groups of people all try to rob the same bank on the same day — hence the clever title. Unfortunately, the concept is much more interesting than the film writer/director Sacha Bennett has forced it into.
I’ll cut to the chase: Tu£sday is only notable for reuniting John Simm and Philip Glenister post Life on Mars. Christ alone knows why they agreed to it; quite possibly because they’re friends with Bennett. The pair are always good value, even with the limited material on offer here. All the other actors are variable. I’m never quite sure of Kevin McNally and this certainly does nothing to sway me to the positive.
The high-profile cast frequently belie what you’re watching. Most of the production has an amateurish feel. It’s hard to pinpoint, but it seems to be a combination of photography and editing: the look is like plain digital video, the choice of shots often obvious and lacking variety, the editing not as tight as it should be. Several takes look like they needed another couple of goes. The screenplay feels a draft or two away from completion, particularly dialogue.
The final iteration of the robbery (it’s repeated multiple times as we learn of each group’s attempt) in particular repeats too much of what we’ve already seen. Other versions of this sequence are among the film’s best edited moments, especially the replays that remind us where we were without descending into boring repetition.
As the film barely scrapes up to a theatrical running time, there’s a suspicion that the final re-run genuinely was left untouched to keep the length up.
So, the story is convoluted, and muddied further with asides. But this is actually one of the film’s strongest points: the audience is kept busy with complications and unheralded flashbacks, working hard to ascertain which time period we’re watching and where the changeovers happen. Perhaps more could be done to help us follow it — maybe not starting with the Cowboys’ history, for instance, or using some visual trickery to differentiate the robbery, flashback and investigation scenes — but without it certainly makes us work more. Perhaps that’s being kind. At least having the mind racing with the plot distracts a little from the sub-Tarantino dialogue, which is a plus.
But it’s hard to ignore entirely. Sadly, the Reservoir Dogs vibe — jumbled timeline, post-failed-heist setting, irreverent chats, etc — is a couple of decades too late. Bennett is no Tarantino, even though he clearly (but perhaps subconsciously) wants to be. The downside to this is it can leave one longing for a more competent writer/director to remake Tu£sday even before it’s finished, with a greater handle and emphasis on that enticing multiple-robbery conceit.
I’m also not sure why it’s set in the ’80s. Something to do with the security at a bank, I suppose, as more modern systems would make this kind of tale nigh on impossible. It also allows for an amusingly cheesy title sequence and some equally laughable costumes.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t go as all-out for the decade as Ashes to Ashes did, but then that has a much larger budget. I’m left with the conclusion that the decade of choice is a plot-easing convenience, then, rather than a true facet of the film.
I suspect almost anyone who bothers with Tu£sday will have been lured by the promise of reuniting Gene Hunt and Sam Tyler. Such lofty expectations are only going to lead to disappointment: it’s an ensemble film, for one thing, and it’s no Life on Mars. Not even close. But lower your sights, allow for the amateurish nature of some technical elements and the lack of polish to dialogue and performances, and the time-juggling narrative may actually be enough to sustain your interest.

Hammer didn’t just make horror movies, y’know. I’m sure many film fans know this, but the phrase “Hammer Horror” is so ubiquitous that I expect most people think that was the company’s name and all they produced.
It doesn’t all tie together fully. For example, one assumes the town of Bortrey was going to be the site of Newark’s castle, as that’s the only apparent reason why he’d be annoyed at the Archbishop for stopping the Sheriff acquiring it. But then Bortrey is burnt down, and with little reaction or comment from any character. And the opening plot point — a man escaping the Sheriff with a mysterious symbol — is never fully explained. Was he a co-conspirator? Was he aiming to warn the Archbishop? If the latter, where did he get the symbol? Maybe I missed a scene that explained all this.
The cast are adequate, even if Richard Greene’s no Errol Flynn and Peter Cushing’s no Alan Rickman (here at least). Terence Fisher’s direction is rather flat a lot of the time, though a few scenery shots, riding sequences and fights bring out a bit more dynamism.
The Pevensie children return to Narnia, but hundreds of years later, in Disney’s last adaptation from C.S. Lewis’ series (don’t worry, Fox have taken it over). For those keeping track, this is both the second book and second film, but fourth chronicle chronologically. Which is fine for now, but I wonder what they’ll do come those earlier-set ones…
held the record for the longest closing credits at 10 minutes. I don’t really know what’s common these days but 12 minutes is nonetheless 8% of the film.
or maybe it’s just counting on their memory a bit too much. With only limited characterisation and basic political complications, Prince Caspian really boils down to a series of fights and battles. Nicely done fights and battles, I’d argue, but still, no one’s coming away from this particularly enriched.
Despite the numerous film versions of the Faust story, this is the only one that adapts Christopher Marlowe’s A-level-favourite 1588 play. It’s a shame, then, that it’s heavily edited from the original text and, despite also being a filmed version of the Oxford University Dramatic Society’s 1966 stage production, has clearly been inappropriately chosen as a vehicle for then-couple Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor.
Elsewhere, Burton and Coghill’s vision of Faustus is stylistically reminiscent of a Gothic Hammer Horror, which is either wholly inappropriate or an ingenious genre mash-up — after all, such a genre-mashing trick has been pulled many a time with Shakespeare over the years. There are repulsively horrific corpses, a harem of naked ladies, an array of special effects, plus a medieval-styled gothic atmosphere to all the sets and costumes, though the scene where Faustus mucks about with the Pope feels more Carry On. Using inanimate objects in the roles of the Good and Evil Angels — respectively, a statue of Christ and a skull — is a small but inspired touch.
perhaps just to heighten the presence of Helen by losing scenes she couldn’t have been shoehorned into; but in the process it both loses some of the best material and destroys any hope the film had of being a definitive filmed version of the play. Ultimately, such oversights proved to be the final straw for the film’s already-tenuous grip on a three-star rating.
Pre-release hype pegged Lesbian Vampire Killers as the next
Unfortunately, even with corrected expectations, the film fails to deliver on its twin promises of raunch and horror. Aside from a couple of brief surgically-enhanced medieval boobs, a flash of knickers and the odd girl-on-girl kiss, the film’s sexy content is non-existent. Said Nuts audience would certainly get more from their weekly wank mag; this is mostly 12A-level. The horror, meanwhile, is reduced to well-signposted jump scares — and even then few enough to count on one hand — and the odd bit of comical decapitation/melting with holy water/axes in the head. To be fair, this is meant to be more comedy than horror, and in this sense a few such moments succeed passably.
Indeed, consistency is not the film’s strong point. Everyone makes a big fuss about the vampires and how hard they are to kill, yet every one is dispatched with ease, the level of threat never allowed to even attempt an increase before there’s white goo splurting everywhere (that’s what happens when they die, incidentally, not someone’s reaction to the lesbianism). The climax is a mere extension of this, substituting a rising scale of action for running around avoiding the easy killing bit. Any good will amassed in the middle — and there may be a tiny bit — is dismissed in boredom.
shot for the lowest-common-denominator lad’s-mag-buying audience, though quite what they made of the classic horror reference points that do remain is anyone’s guess. If we’re talking about expectations (and, clearly, I am), Lesbian Vampire Killers did somewhat defy mine — though as I was expecting it to be one of the worst comedies I’d ever seen, that might not be saying much.
As we head in to this year’s awards season, I’ve finally got round to seeing last year’s big winner. It’s the Little British Film That Could, and I do feel like I’m the last person in the country to see it.
Culloden tells the story of the 1746 battle — famously, the last fought on British soil — and the events that followed it, as if it were covered by a modern TV news report (albeit a feature-length one).
Of late I’ve posted
abound, from the comic asides with Didier to Will’s fertile imagination realised through animation, or the post-credits snippet of dialogue.
but realise the error of their ways to come back together in the nick of time) and the lessons learnt are hardly new (true friendship can conquer all), but it’s all put together with immense joy and skill, built around a charming concept, that it becomes far more than the sum of its parts.
I really didn’t expect to like this: a series of straight-to-camera monologues, performed in front of just plain-coloured backgrounds, about the fashion industry, written and directed by the writer/director of
It doesn’t seem like 18 months since the RSC brought Hamlet to the stage with British TV’s biggest star actor (probably) as the titular Dane, but it is (more or less). Thanks to sold-out performances and largely positive reviews (theatre critics seem even less keen to agree on anything than film ones), we’re now treated to this film adaptation, shown on BBC Two on Boxing Day and released on DVD (but not Blu-ray, boo