Welcome to my monthly “Failures” column, where I look back at some of the films I could, would, maybe even should have watched last month… but failed to.

At one point, I had Joker: Folie à Deux marked down as something I should make an effort to see at the cinema — a relatively rare marker, considering recently I don’t even make it to most of the films I mark. With hindsight, I’m not sure why — I wasn’t even a huge fan of the first film, although I didn’t hate it — but the poor reception put paid to that, anyway. I have a needling suspicion I might actually like it (I’ve seen reviews/comments that imply it was made to deliberately piss off fans of the first one, and as fans of the first one are often among The Worst People, I’m optimistic), but I’ll have to wait ’til disc or streaming to find out. Conversely, The Wild Robot was a film I’d paid no mind to whatsoever, until suddenly everyone was calling it one of the best films of the year. I was tempted, but I’m always hesitant to see kids’ films by myself for “having to endure suspicious glares from parents before, during, and after the screening” reasons. (Whether that’s an imaginary fear or something that would actually happen, I don’t know.)

Other blockbuster-expectant films this month included animation Transformers One (it’s great according to fans, but flopped. I guess that’s what you get coming off the back of almost two decades of Michael Bay and Bay-adjacent live-action films) and trilogy-former Venom: The Last Dance (I still haven’t seen the second one, but quite liked the ’90s-throwback charms of the first). Your typical October horror choices included a sequel in Smile 2, a threequel in Terrifier 3, and a remake in Salem’s Lot. Modern cinema, eh? (He says, as if horror hasn’t been a genre famed for long-running franchises since at least the ’80s.) There was some other stuff too, like Trump biopic The Apprentice. I feel like the only one really worth mentioning is Alice Lowe’s new film, Timestalker, which I heard was good and deserving of support (as a small British film up against the usual Hollywood big guns), but I don’t think it screened at my local even if I was the kind of person who got out to the cinema regularly. I’ll happily support it on physical media and/or streaming later.

If you think that’s an unedifying theatrical lineup, just wait ’til we get to the streaming originals! Netflix premiered The Platform 2 to absolutely no fanfare. Remember when everyone made a fuss about the first one? It wasn’t even that good, which is perhaps why no one paid attention to the second. Amazon Prime debuted Kate Beckinsale actioner Canary Black, which I hadn’t heard of before it popped up on my front page while I was looking for something else, and haven’t heard anyone else mention at any point anywhere ever. I’m assuming, therefore, that it’s shit. It’s a similar story for horror Hold Your Breath on Disney+, while at least Sky’s offering — Matt Haig adaptation The Radleys — managed some column inches (at least in the UK press) thanks to stars Damien Lewis and Kelly MacDonald. Review and viewer scores are still low, though. Netflix did also have the new one from Timo Tjahjanto, The Shadow Strays, but as I thought Headshot and The Night Comes for Us were a little overrated, and I’d completely forgotten that I hadn’t got round to his last one in the two years since it came out, I figure this can also go on the slop pile.

There was greater success in the list of theatrical releases making their subscription streaming debut. MUBI arguably scored biggest with much-discussed recent release The Substance, although Amazon had a sizeable one on their books with Challengers. NOW’s best offerings included Drive-Away Dolls and Lisa Frankenstein — more niche titles, perhaps, but ones I’ve been looking forward to. A bigger-name premiere was undoubtedly Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire, but I’ve got that on disc (unwatched on a shelf, natch) — I tend to overlook things that appear on streamers when I’ve already got the disc because, y’know, I’ve got it on disc. The same goes for Miyazaki’s The Boy and the Heron popping up on Netflix already.

Other titles I own physically but haven’t watched yet that (re)materialised on streaming this month (across all the various services) included Babylon, the new (or “new-ish” at this point) Candyman, Enys Men, Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore, the 2018 Halloween, Lips of Blood, The Long Good Friday, Pokémon: Detective Pikachu, live-action Resident Evil #4–6, Time Bandits, the aforementioned Venom: Let There Be Carnage, and— oh dear God, so much else. I haven’t even started on stuff I want to rewatch (The Babadook, Byzantium, Drive, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, A Few Good Men… oh, stop, stop, stop! Heck, all 25 James Bond films are in 4K on Amazon, which is theoretically better quality than most are available in on disc. We’re living in the worst timeline.)

Because I’ve got so much unwatched on disc, this month I didn’t buy anything new.

Only kidding! I bought tonnes of stuff! Heck, it’s been box sets a-go-go for the past couple of weeks. Out of 14 new acquisitions in October, just five were single-film sets — and one of those included multiple different cuts. In total, my physical media to-watch pile swelled by 54 films this month. (Early suggestions are next month could get even crazier: yesterday I took delivery of an Indicator sale order that, across just four titles, included 37 feature films. With Arrow’s 14-film Shawscope: Volume Three due before the end of the month, that five-set tally almost tops this month already. I would joke that I have a problem, but maybe I actually do… Aaaanyway…)

Where to begin? As we’re talking size, let’s start with the largest and work our way down in that order. I’ve had my eye on Lars von Trier: A Curzon Collection for a while, and Amazon cut the price significantly as a Prime Day offer, justifying my wait for it. I ought to hold off like that more often, but so much stuff is “limited edition” nowadays, and it can be hard to predict which titles will sell out almost instantly and which will linger until they’re in deep-price-cut sales. It’s a 15-film set — although, as I already owned some of those, it means technically my to-watch pile didn’t actually grow by 54 films. Technically.

Next, Arrow’s Inside the Mind of Coffin Joe, which includes ten films starring Brazil’s cult horror icon, plus a feature-length documentary. Talking of sets selling out unpredictably: this seemed to sell out instantly on its release back in January, only to later pop back up on some retailers (Arrow’s own store; Amazon) but not others (HMV). I’m not sure what went on there, but I’m glad it didn’t come back too quickly because I probably would’ve got FOMO and bought it at near full price. Instead, I picked it up heavily discounted in Arrow’s latest Shocktober sale. (Incidentally, this is why I’ve got so many huge box sets this month and next: big sales discounts on things I was prepared to miss out on at full price.)

Two sets with a coincidentally similar theme tie for third place. The newer one, Indicator’s Columbia Horror, features two ways to watch one of those films (black & white or tinted), so maybe it has the edge. This six-film new release includes the second 1930s film called Behind the Mask in as many months (the other was in the BFI’s Michael Powell: Early Works collection), as well as Fay Wray in Black Moon (that’s the one watchable in two, er, colours), Air Hawks, Peter Lorre in Island of Doomed Men, Cry of the Werewolf, The Soul of a Monster. For the other, I finally picked up Eureka’s Karloff at Columbia, getting a mint-condition second-hand copy of the limited edition for about the same price as the non-limited version currently goes for. Yay. That set includes the “Mad Doctor” cycle, a parody of the “Mad Doctor” cycle, and one other random Karloff-Columbia flick, which I guess necessitated the super-generic set name. Still, an example of something I sat on and then missed out on… although the fact I ultimately got a perfect copy for a reasonable saving suggests that, yeah, I need some self restraint.

Another Arrow sale purchase next, with the third volume in their series of four-film sets of minor Spaghetti Westerns, this one titled Savage Guns. It’s easier to know when it’s safe to wait for a set to be discounted when you’ve seen it happen to previous sets in the range (he says, having ordered Shawscope 3 at new-release price when Arrow have had to discount both previous sets eventually. But I’m always worried that will lead them to cut the edition size for future volumes, so when it’s something I really want, you’ve just got to bite the bullet). Despite all this sales talk, bargain of the month is arguably The Agitator: Three Provocations from the Wild World of Jean-Pierre Mocky, a Radiance set that was only released in July but Amazon and HMV randomly slashed to just £15. Presumably a misprice, but one Amazon honoured even after it went out of stock. Again, a title I’d decided to sit out, but was interested enough at just £5 per film (a price I wouldn’t guarantee it ever hitting again). On the other hand, I went straight in for Radiance’s newest three-film set, Daiei Gothic, featuring a trio of Japanese ghost stories (The Ghost of Yotsuya, The Snow Woman, and The Bride from Hades). If you’re noticing a distinct horror theme to this month’s purchases, well, that’s October sales for you.

And it’s another horror title for this month’s final multi-film release, Criterion’s 4K double-bill of Val Lewton productions, I Walked with a Zombie and The Seventh Victim. I’ve been resisting a lot of Criterion’s recent 4K releases because they’re pretty pricey and there’ll be a sale eventually (indeed, a 40%-off one is currently running at several retailers, and I’ve picked up several titles I’d been looking forward to — expect those to have been failed to be watched next month!), but someone somewhere relatively recently recommended The Seventh Victim (I forget where), and the only other copy I’d found was old and a bit ropey, so I decided to just dive straight in for this one.

Another horror title heads up the single film pile, with Radiance’s release of Italy’s first horror movie, I vampiri — which also includes the UK cut, Lust of the Vampire, and the US cut, The Devil’s Commandment, hence placing it first among equals in this size-based countdown. For the others, I randomly picked up an old Network title (oh, Network…! RIP), ’60s true-story spy thriller Ring of Spies, plus two new martial arts releases from 88 Films, Kid from Kwangtung and The Kung Fu Instructor. Last but not least, the film that would probably have led this roundup under normal circumstances (seeing as it’s a new release in 4K, albeit not a brand-new film), Guy Hamilton’s An Inspector Calls.

Oh, but there was one other box set! Originally announced for the end of September, then delayed until November, but arriving early for those of us who preordered direct, was Eureka’s Louis Feuillade: The Complete Crime Serials (1913–1918) collection. It contains the five-part six-hour Fantômas, ten-part eight-and-a-half-hour Les Vampires, 13-part six-and-a-half-hour Judex, and 12-part six-and-a-half-hour Tih-Minh. That’s over 27 hours of silent serial sensation! But… how many films is it? Four? That seems to undersell it. 40? But a lot of the ‘episodes’ couldn’t be considered features, running under 40 minutes each. So should it be counted as a mix of features and shorts? Now maybe you see why I didn’t mention it sooner in a size-based summary… although there’s a strong chance it’ll actually be the set I watch first, especially as I’m considering making it the focus of 2025’s Blindspot. How does that work when it isn’t easily countable as films? Yes, that’s what I’m struggling with…